Real stories about friendship and mental health
As part of the friendship and mental health campaign, the Mental Health Foundation spoke to people about their real-life experiences regarding mental health and how friends have provided support. Read their stories below.
Sue is 51 years old and has bipolar disorder
"My symptoms started when I was 15 years old. During my teens and twenties, I put my feelings down to normal teenage stuff like hormones and exams. I repeatedly went to my GP but nothing was done. I also moved a few times and at one point my medical history was lost, which didn't help.
"I can't remember when I received my diagnosis but I was in my thirties at the time. The GP I was seeing at the time for depression (and who I still see now) referred me to a Community Psychiatric Nurse who picked up that I was experiencing mania as well as depression.
I then got referred to a psychiatrist and had an assessment. That's when I got my diagnosis of bipolar. I felt relieved because I knew what was wrong and now I could do something about it.
"I didn't tell anyone about it for a long time apart from close family and friends because I wasn't sure how they would react. It was only when I became involved with World Mental Health Day and some anti-stigma work around mental health that I decided I needed to be honest with people. But even then, I only told people that I trusted.
"Most of my friends have been supportive, there has only been the odd one or two that haven't. One friend in particular, Beverley, is incredibly supportive. We laugh together all the time and I know that I can phone her at any time of the day or night if I need to chat. I've even given her permission to ring the mental health team if she thinks I need extra help.
"My husband has also been very supportive, even though he has found it difficult from time to time. He's looked up information about mental health and bipolar from the internet.
I think it's better that people know that I have bipolar because then I don't have to make excuses for my behaviour. I have a good network of friends who support me and I think that's really important. I also have good professional support but having friends around you is vital. I know it can be difficult for friends to support me when I'm feeling very high or very low, but it does help."
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Phil is 57 years old and has bipolar disorder
“I had my first bout of depression in 1971 whilst at university. I saw my GP who prescribed antidepressants. When it didn’t get any better he suggested that I take a year off university, which I did. I started to feel better and decided to come off the antidepressants and go back to university.
“It was two years later in 1973 that I had my first manic episode. I was employed as a trainee social worker by the Home Office at the time. My wife, Viv, had to liaise with my tutor to get me to go to my GP. When I went to my GP I was sectioned and put onto a locked ward because I was psychotic and difficult to be with.
“I was in hospital for four months and when I came out, the relationships that I had with friends changed. I left the course that I was previously on and my friends from that course moved away, although some have stayed in touch. I didn’t really tell my friends about my mental health mostly because I just didn’t know what to say.
“It’s my wife Viv that has really helped me throughout my life. I have been sectioned five times so far and she has always been supportive. She has liaised with services to explain how difficult things can be with me sometimes. She has always fought on my behalf and comes with me to see my psychiatrist.”
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Albert is 55 years old. He has experienced severe depression and also has Schizo-affective Disorder and a social phobia
“There's a history of mental illness in my family although it wasn't known until after my mother's suicide in 1986. I have had two major bouts of depression, which began during a non-physical relationship with a woman at work. The relationship became too complicated and resulted in me walking out of work and had two months off with depression.
“Eight months after I returned to work, I experienced another major episode of depression. IT was really severe and made me feel almost suicidal. My GP sent me to a consultant psychiatrist who prescribed anti-psychotics, although this turned out to be inaccurate because I was later diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder.
“I told my family but didn’t receive any support. My sister’s attitude was 'everyone has problems, just deal with it'. I did get support from one brother, which was mostly financial, and for that I am very appreciative. However, I found that my niece was my best source of support. She has anorexia and we talk and support each other.
“My wife is also a good source of support. We’re not together anymore but we’re still friends and during our marriage she listened to me and accepted what I said.
“I’m also getting support from my next door neighbour. She’s also had mental health problems so we can help each other by having long talks and making sure each is okay.”
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Claire is 36 years old and has bipolar disorder:
“Ever since I was little I’ve experienced extreme high or low moods. My first episode of depression came when I was around 15 years old. During that time I couldn’t stop crying and wanted to die.
My parents were very worried and took me to the GP who thought I’d come out of it on my own. I then went to sixth form and, aged 17 or 18, had depressing, suicidal thoughts again. Despite this, I managed to get through my A-levels and I went to university.
“After university I became ill again and decided to take a year out to go travelling. When I returned, I took up a job as a trainee solicitor in Leeds. I struggled while I was there because I didn’t know anyone. I was really unhappy and became clinically depressed.
“I didn’t feel that I could talk to anyone about how I felt and I eventually tried to commit suicide. I was taken to hospital and the next day, I was seen by a psychiatrist who said, ‘I think you’re suffering from depression’, and that was a huge relief. In 1995, I was transferred to a hospital in Basingstoke, which was closer to my parents, and got the help I needed. My parents also called my girlfriends who came to visit regularly during my four month stay. They treated me matter-of-factly, as though I’d broken a leg. They had blind faith I’d get better.
“When I was discharged, I quit my job in Leeds and got a job in recruitment instead. But, in 2000, I started feeling low again. I went on holiday to Kenya and Tanzania for two weeks, and then when I came back I quit my job and went back to Africa for three months. When I came back to the UK I felt stressed so went to my local GP. He prescribed Seroxat but I had a horrendous reaction to it. In 2001 I was admitted to hospital again and this time stayed for five months. My friends visited regularly though and kept me going.
“Within the next year I went through fortnightly cycles of being high and then very low. My loyal friends listened patiently and never judged me as I described outlandish career plans one week and felt so bad I wanted to die the next. I had started taking Lithium to stabilise my mood, but this can take a long time to take effect. I had my last suicidal thought in June 2002.
“In November 2005, I was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I wish I’d had the diagnosis earlier. It explained my behaviour, particularly my severe mood swings, and would have helped my family understand what was happening to me.
“Seven months ago, I started working at an organisation called Raise! Mental Health, delivering mental health training to the community. Everyone I work with has experienced a mental health problem and it’s the most fulfilling job I’ve ever had. I also met a wonderful man in March 2006. He proposed in February this year and we’re getting married in July.
“I think friends are really important. I couldn’t have survived the last thirteen years without mine. We help each other whenever we can, so it’s a two-way street and supporting them uplifts me. We know we could call each other at 4am and not feel guilty about it. Just knowing that makes recovering from a mental health illness possible.”
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