Happy's Story.
I am twenty now but I very nearly didn't make it that far. Two years ago around this time I started university, the best time of your life apparently. I didn't agree with that and I know plenty of people who agree with me on that point. I know people with depression find it hard to concentrate so I will try to make my story brief but I want it heard to help others.
Shortly after starting uni I was diagnosed with depression and was put onto medication, shortly after this I started to cut myself regularly, usually in the evenings. I also burned myself and whenever I cut myself by accident (I am naturally accident prone anyway!) I was blissfully happy. The morning after the night before came and the guilt over my cutting made me feel worse so the cutting increased. The people in Hall with me tried to be supportive but they kept telling me that I could just snap out of it which I couldn't.
Shortly after Christmas my dose of medication was increased and shortly after that I overdosed for the first time. My "friends" took me to hospital and I was kept in overnight. The "friends" ignored me all day on the Saturday I came out so I overdosed the next morning more dangerously then I had done before, I was kept in overnight and released again. After the second OD I wasn't given any more medication so a week and a half later I overdosed again and this time it was so serious I was in hospital for three nights. Those three nights turned out to be a blessing in disguise because I was forced to lie in a bed, after being told that I could die, and think. The thinking made me realise that however bad life was (and it was pretty bad) it is still better to be breathing then cold and blue in the ground. I came out of hospital really wanting it to be the last time. Since then I haven't cut or overdosed and I was discharged from my outpatient psychiatrist in the June. It was very hard work for me to recover especially because my "friends" left me once the excitement of a hospitalisation had gone.
Every day had to be gotten through, I had to learn to cope with my problems. Every day was like a very slippery muddy mountain to climb and eventually I reached not the peak but a flat part of the slope. I am still there. Occasionally I slip down but I have found better coping methods to grab onto the slope before I fall all the way and hurt myself and everyone around me. My story is intensely private to me and even most of my family don't know what happened, I've decided to tell it to you because I don't want anyone else to reach the jagged rocks at the bottom which leave scars.
Help for you
I don't know about you but when I was suffering depression just having someone who knew what I was going through and who could be more useful then just telling me to pull myself together would have been the best thing that could have happened to me.
I find that now when I feel low I have to do something to take my mind of it: I made a list which was stuck to my wall but now I know it. It included things like getting myself out of my flat i.e. doing my laundry. I also included distractions like watching TV or reading a book.
I also celebrated the year on from when I stopped cutting and it meant much more to me then any birthday has. You could celebrate a day, week, month or year, just have a goal which you know you can achieve and constantly raise the bar higher, once you have reached it.
Having someone to talk to is always good, but because a lot of people are loners like me, talking to a helpline is useful it isn't weak in fact it is quite the contrary. Talking helps put your problems in perspective and you never know the other person may offer good advice.
If you find you still get the urges don't worry I still get them but they get easier to deal with.
Also if you are on any medication don't stop it suddenly get advice from your doctors, mine made an executive decision to stop my medication.
Also remember that everyone is different and that some people find it easier to climb out of depression than others but PERSEVERE.
But please remember climbing the hill to recovery from depression is steep and you will fall but the falls will become less and less frequent and you WILL REACH THE PEAK.
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