I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and bipolar in January of 1990. I received psychological counselling, group therapy, and medication (lithium). My days for 1990 were spent with my mother. At night I would return home to my husband, taking my children with me. As my mother was busy taking care of my children at that point, I had plenty of spare time for various occupational therapies and, most important of all, time to spend in the local library getting to know all about bipolar and my particular disorder.
By the end of 1990, I decided that I was unable to carry on with medication due to the side-effects, mainly the short term memory lapses and other problems. I wanted my life back. I weaned myself off the Lithium and began to teach myself how to live with bipolar - according to all the research that I had done.
I began work again in March of 1991. No time off for bipolar or associated illnesses to date. I have progressed through 3 various jobs and now hold a position of responsibility. I have learnt how to deal with life by facing my problem and managing with it through various life skills and team building exercises. I have learnt to control my mental ups and downs and can now live life fairly easily, though sometimes it can be difficult. No one at work is even aware that I have bipolar. I work very much with goals, and sometimes have to force myself to focus on them in order to carry through. My husband was retrenched 2 years ago and I am now the sole bread winner. I have a large mortgage to pay on my house and the pressure is severe. However, channelling the pressure correctly carries me through the difficulties that arise daily through lack of finance etc. I am now at a point where there is no other debt apart from the mortgage. The goal to survive for my family and the forced ability to cope carries me through each bad time.
I am now a far stronger person than I was back in 1990. I have learned much from life and about myself in these last years. I have had to also reconcile myself to the price I paid for having attempted suicide in 1990. I lost several skills and had to spend a long time relearning them.
Some of the skills will never be what they once were prior to 1990. However ....Do not be afraid of bipolar. It is a part of you. You can learn to live with it and control it. There are times when I find I am slipping, but then I pull myself up and force myself to move forwards. Life is good and is for living. I have managed to develop a good sense of self value and achievement and this helps to keep me strong. I am here for the duration - and I am happy with my life and myself.
Have faith in yourself - channel your resources correctly and do not be shy to use the various support systems available. Life is good out there, go ahead and enjoy it. Do not let bipolar become the overhanging shadow
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